Otherwise Known As A Good Fonging
by Protector of Meladon
Summary: Wat muttered something about pain, and lots of it while Geoff snickered. He caught Will’s eyes and smirked devilishly. Will and Kate exchanged glances and rolled their eyes simultaneously. Roland chuckled. A Humor ficlet. R&R!


**Author's Note:** This is just a little humorfic/oneshot meant to give you all some laughs. I particularly liked Geoff 's character, so I decided to write it from his perspective. If there are any spelling mistakes/gammatical issues, please please please don't nitpick me for them. I ran this through spellcheck eight times, so if something escaped even that, then I do apologize. So without further ado, on with the story!

**Disclaimer:** Anything not from the movie is mine.

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**Otherwise Known As A Good Fonging**

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Geoff looked around the forestry and admired the array of the warm fire colors of autumn. The company he heralded was leisurely trudging (yes trudging) through the woods, taking a lesser-known road to a jousting tournament in Salisbury, England. Roland was leading the horse on which his new bride Christiana was seated quite comfortably. Geoff's wife Phillippa, who was heavy with child, was riding in the caravan with Will's wife Jocelyn, who was also with child. They were accompanied by Kate, who was looking after them. Will drove the caravan a little less recklessly than he did before he was married, knowing that the Black Prince would have his head if his bride-to-be, Kate, was harmed. Of course, his concern for the safety of the two pregnant women went without saying.

Geoff smirked as he looked down at Wat, the gangly squire of Sir William Thatcher's who could never control his abrasive temper. He was leading the horse that Geoff sat upon.

Around this time a while back, William had defeated Count Adhemar in the London World Championship. Two years to the day it was. Geoff hadn't quite imagined staying on with Sir William, but he decided that he could use the experience he gained from his adventures (and sometimes misadventures) to write about.

Dusk crept up on them lazily, swathing them in a comfortable cloak of darkness. Geoff peered around the campfire, where everyone was seated in the circle at the back of the caravan. The caravan's doors were open to reveal Phillippa and Jocelyn resting comfortably. Geoff felt a warmth not procured by the fire when he gazed at Phillippa. Wat noticed his gaze.

"Easy mate," Wat said bracingly, " In a couple of short months you'll be able to do it again. Must be a right pain not being able to do anything now."

"Yes it is," Geoff replied instantly, "Of course, it must be a right pain not being able to do it at all, isn't it Wat?"

Wat turned red and started for Geoff when Roland's arm flew out of nowhere to latch onto Wat's sleeve.

"Let it go Wat," Roland advised.

Wat muttered something about pain, and lots of it while Geoff snickered. He caught Will's eyes and smirked devilishly. Will and Kate exchanged glances and rolled their eyes simultaneously. Roland chuckled.

Christiana flicked her gaze to Kate, "And how does it feel, knowing someday you might be queen?"

All eyes were rooted to a blushing Kate. Even Jocelyn raised her head a bit, smiling placidly. Kate smiled nervously and gulped.

"I never really thought about that," she admitted.

Will scoffed and Jocelyn laughed a bit.

"You honestly, in all your time knowing that the Prince was after you, never once thought that you'd rule us all one day?" Roland asked, a bit incredulously.

Wat was flabbergasted when Kate responded 'no' with a shake of her head.

Deciding to get the pressure off of herself, Kate shot a question at Geoff.

"Well how does it feel knowing that soon you'll be a father, you know, and you'll have more responsibilities?"

Geoff grinned wryly, "I don't think much will change,"

He thought he distinctly heard Phillippa mutter "It better!" but he chose not to respond, and instead focused on the fire that was raging pathetically. Will got up and crashed as quietly as he could around the campsite in search of more firewood. He returned victorious, and the fire took life once again.

"Geoff can't handle responsibilities," Wat said smugly.

At this, the writer arched his eyebrows and leaned closely to Wat in an almost conspiratorial way.

"Tell me Wat, how does it feel to be so hopelessly immature that you'll never have anyone who will trust you enough with the responsibilities that apparently I can't handle, but am trusted enough to accomplish?" Geoff inquired as innocently as he could, shoving Wat of the trunk he was perched on before he could snap back.

After a couple minutes of rolling around on his back like a turtle, Wat got up, brushing the leaves out of his hair as the company snickered. Purple in the face, he mouthed wordlessly at Geoff, who had turned back to his meal.

"Why I ought to-"

"Gain some manners? Adopt a more professional attitude? Bathe more regularly?" Geoff suggested mildly, not looking at Wat.

"That's it! I am going to fong you so- so- you'll be in so much pain. Lots of it!"

Geoff set down his bowl to look at Wat properly. It was hard to take him seriously when he was still of a purplish hue about the face, but nevertheless, Geoff studied him. What exactly did it mean to fong someone? Geoff was quite perplexed and assumed that it meant to viciously beat someone. Having had experiences with Wat's fist before, Geoff just laughed at the redhead. Wat punched like a girl, so how bad could getting fonged be?

"Go ahead Wat," Geoff said, as Will and Roland shot each other glances, "Do your worst."

Lying flat on his back and hurting like hell, Geoff concluded that being fonged was the worst experience ever. Aside from hangovers and walking naked for about ten miles and then stepping on a thorn. His nose seemed as if it would never stop bleeding, and Phillippa purred softly as she tended to both his black eyes.

"Even I could have told you that was a huge mistake," she pointed out, dabbing his brow with a damp cloth.

Geoff just grumbled good-naturedly as Wat danced around the fire to the laughs from the women and the 'I never knew you had it in you's' from Will and Roland.

For the next couple of days Geoff kept his jibes at a minimum, which proved to be tedious and almost impossible work. The company was nearing the open road, and they could tell by the amount of light that bathed the path just ahead. Prince Edward and a small party of his men would meet them when they reached the open road, and then together they'd continue on to Salisbury and the tournament.

Geoff had almost fully healed. He still smarted a bit, but his pride was still somehow intact. Quite unexpectedly, their path was obstructed moments later by a very small band of thieves.

Wat was beside himself. They weren't going to be robbed of the last of their food. Not of he had anything to do with it. So he ran up to the leader, put his fists up and tried to formulate a coherent sentence to frighten them all.

Geoff noticed and turned in his saddle to see Kate emerge from the caravan with two of her hammers from the forge, tossing Christiana a crowbar to which she clung to desperately. Will stood up in the driver's seat and drew his sword, not looking pleased with the raider's appearance.

Roland stepped protectively in front of Christiana, and drew his sword too. They were so close. As a matter of fact, they could see the road through the sparse trees, and a tiny mass of black in the distance.

"You watch it or you'll be in for it!" Wat warned.

Geoff turned back to the situation as hand, covertly making sure that he had a dagger in each boot.

Wat didn't seem to intimidate the leader, who threw back his head and laughed. His band of raiders laughed with him.

"In for what?" he asked scathingly.

Geoff swung down from the saddle of his horse and swaggered over to the two men, resting his elbow on the redhead's shoulder and he leaned rather languidly on him. They exchanged a glance and then looked back at the unkempt thief.

"Pain," Wat answered, "Lots of pain."

"Otherwise known as a good fonging," Geoff explained, clapping the thief on the shoulder and swaggering back to his horse.

From a distance, Prince Edward saw something orange launch itself at the first of seven men, howling frightfully. One of his men, Albert, gave a start.

"Your Majesty, should we run to their aid?" he inquired unsurely.

The Prince paused momentarily before answering, "No. I think he's got it."


End file.
